Growing Up

When I thought about growing up I thought it was pretty straightforward.

I mean you get taller, get to stay up late, make your own decisions, drive places… the list goes on. I thought I’d get a chance to grow in stages. 

But…I forgot to account for the curveballs life likes to throw at us sometimes.

When I was six, my sister, Meagan, was born. That was the day I “grew up” I guess you could say. Meagan was born with special needs and disabilities that made her childhood a lot different from a “typical” one. As the oldest, I wanted to help out when and where I could. Which meant that I “grew up” quickly.

I didn’t see a need to slow down and enjoy all that childhood had to offer. I mean I wanted to grow up so badly and this was my chance to start.

I remember the moment where I really experienced being caught between "two worlds." It was two days after Christmas, my dad's birthday actually, when Meagan had a severe epileptic episode. She was rushed to the hospital by my parents while my grandparents stayed with us. During this time of back and forth I was both a child and an adult- what I mean is that even though we had amazing people helping us out, they didn't always know where things were or how my sister likes her lunch etc. So, in a way, I grew up a lot through this experience. I stepped up to help my siblings with schoolwork or training - just to take some of the stress off. But looking back I also realized I was still a kid - needing guidance and help as well. I was so focused on how to be "grown up" I think I forgot to pause and take in a chance to be a kid while I had one. 

Now, I wish sometimes I could still take advantage of the innocence of childhood. To slow down and take it all in. To seek the comfort of coming home after a hard day and being comforted by my mom. Now I help comfort others. I get to be that person helping others through tough days. There are days I wish I could go back - to be a child again.

But maybe growing up is necessary to appreciate those lessons or memories we experience when we’re young. They guide us, shape us. Those times I chose to grow up, like the one I mentioned,  helped shape the person I am today. They allowed me to discover the type of person I want to be.

So, yes, there are days where I wish I could be a child again and freeze time. To get to hug my parents and not have to worry about the stresses of life that appear now. But now I realize that my childhood will always be a part of me as I look to the future and carry on the lessons I learned that continue to influence my path in adulthood.